Touch me (like you do)
by thistableforone
Summary: She likes touch – she does. But she's so little used to it her body reacts as if it was a threat.


**Touch me (like you do)**

* * *

It takes just a few lunches together to notice. She didn't see it before, during the initial interviews – they sat too far apart, in front of each other, with a table standing between them. She didn't even note it when they talked on the couch the first times: Kara had always be respectful of her spaces.

But, when they start to meet outside her office, when Kara starts to text her during the days they can't see each other, when Kara starts to call her friend, she also begins to show her true nature.

She's tactile.

She's subtle, at first. It's a gentle hand on her back guiding her inside the restaurant, it's the fleeting touch of her fingers on her arms as she passionately talks about her job. Lena tries not to let her eyes stare at the circles her thumb draws on her hand, tries not to be so obvious. The truth is Kara's gestures always take her by surprise: it takes a few moments for her to relax.

She likes touch – she does. But she's so little used to it her body reacts as if it was a threat. Lena likes to think she would be different if Lillian hadn't be so cold, so manipulative, so abusive. Maybe she would be able to initiate contact now, as Kara does.

If Kara notices, she doesn't let her know. She just smiles kindly when she sees her eyes glance at the patch of skin her hand is caressing. She progresses slowly to half hugs at the end of their lunches – Lena's grateful her lack of response is not stopping her.

Lena returns the embrace with a hand circling Kara's back and – maybe it's an impression, surely is – Kara's smile looks even brighter as she waves her goodbye. Lena replays the feeling of her firm back resisting her pressure and the warmth seeping through the layers of clothing.

They go from lunch meetings to late night calls and evenings spent in Kara's apartment watching movies. Their quick hugs become bone-crushing, breath-taking embraces before and after their nights. Waved goodbyes become kisses on both cheeks.

Lena starts to return the attention – it's just a hand patting Kara's thigh as they get up from the couch, circles caressed on her back as they hug, arms tightening not to let her go.

It's something, and it makes Kara happy and it makes them both tingle, so she continues.

She tries to make the gestures look casual, but they still make her self-conscious.

Kara calls her best friend in between sentences now, and Lena's eyes glisten in the darkness of the living room. She wonders what she did to deserve to be considered such thing: she is not overly warm, she is not good at giving advices, she just does what she's capable of. She listens, she invites her out as soon as she has some time free, she makes sure to leave work earlier on Friday to have their movie night, she asks her if she's okay when her smile falters.

Maybe this is what friendship is like. Just being there for each other.

She still has to call Kara her best friend. In her heart, she is so much it seems words can't describe it well enough, but the words just wouldn't come. She hopes Kara is good enough at reading her so that she can understand what Lena can't say for now.

Kara doesn't seem to acknowledge her lack of response.

During movie nights, however, they sit closer, their thighs rub against each other. Kara's head casually drops on her shoulder and Lena freezes, overly aware of her breathing pattern. She tries to keep it even, tries not to let her shoulders move too much, tries not to get Kara to lift her head. She is aware the gesture means trust.

Lena learns how to relax after a few minutes and her anxiety slowly dissipates.

But Kara walks her right to the entrance of her office and their hands graze each other as they walk down the street. Lena finds it difficult to resist the urge to grasp it and intertwine their fingers but they're in public and it is not what friends are for and they're friends.

She starts to question if what they do is what friends are supposed to do. If the tingle in her belly is friendship. She wonders if the kiss that Lena has the courage to leave on Kara's cheek should actually make them blush (as it is).

Kara gets her to lie on the couch as they watch some romantic movie that Kara loves. She takes her wrist and pulls her down and Lena lets her because she's tired and because Kara's warm. Kara plays with her hair and hums softly and Lena falls asleep.

Kara's still behind her in the morning.

Kara's touching doesn't surprise her anymore and she calls her _sunshine_ sometimes. She manages not to call her love somehow.

"You're my best friend" becomes "I heart you" in the late of the night. Lena whispers it, too, and Kara hugs her. They cuddle closer, more frequently, Kara just has to open her arms to get her to lie with her now.

Lena turns, wraps her arm around Kara's waist as the film ends, watches a small smile form on Kara's lips. She's the one who nuzzles the skin of her collarbones with the tip of her nose and leaves a kiss on her neck. She doesn't know where the courage came from but it's easy, to be honest, and she's happy.

Their next kiss is on the lips. Neither of them bothers to be surprised.


End file.
